One liners :)

I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad minton.

Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate "My mother-in-law is an angel". The reply from his friend...... "You're so f*cking lucky...
Mine's still alive..."